We all have pain. Some of us are screaming to be heard in ways that induce even more pain.
Are we listening? Are we listening to our own pain? Are we giving tender compassion to ourselves and our pain? Does our pain and the lack of compassion for it prevent us from being available to hear and empathize with others’ pain? It can be tough to have compassion for someone else when our pain is overwhelming. Having pain and being tender toward ourselves can also open our hearts in compassion to other people’s pain, recognizing our shared human experience. Being present to others with empathy is a powerful gift of healing. It can also relieve some of our own pain as we feel the pleasure of giving and supporting others. When we are absorbed in our own pain, we can forget that others are possibly suffering as much or more than we are.
I find the pain of life so obvious at times. It is seeping out of the very pores of people. It is echoing in the voices, the faces, the behaviors of humanity. It is clamoring at the center of my rib cage wanting some loving empathy. And I can imagine this is a common experience, if we really slow down and allow life’s experience to be here, we notice there is pain longing to be held and cared for with compassion. Instead of the mindset of “everybody hurts, you should just toughen up like everybody else,” we could hold the mindset that “everybody hurts, so all the more reason to be kind and compassionate.”
Life hurts. No doubt. So, how can we soften the pain in our own hearts and the hearts of those around us screaming to be heard? Some simple possibilities:
  • When in the company of others and feeling challenged by interactions, say to yourself something like, “We all have pain and need love and empathy.”
  • Take a breath and become curious about what beautiful needs the other person may have in the moment.
  • Take a breath when your own pain arises and acknowledge it. Imagine wrapping yourself in the warmth of a comforting hug that allows you to soften and feel deeply for even a few moments.
  • Let someone know that you see them and care about them and what they are going through.
  • Hear and reflect another person’s experience before sharing your own.
  • When you have caused harm, take responsibility, offer lots of empathy, and share your regret and your care.
Let’s start really listening to pain with our hearts and make room for it to heal in the openness of love and bring compassion to our shared human experience.
If you are struggling and want to learn NVC, or if you want to deepen your integration of NVC, please join me in the upcoming training events, practice series or private coaching. You can build your skills and confidence in creating better connections in trying times. Support and community with other people learning and growing in NVC makes it easier.
I look forward to serving you!
Upcoming opportunities https://nvctrainingsource.com/calendar-events/
Warmly,
Kathy