I invite you to pause for a moment. Notice whether there is someplace in your relationships or interactions where you find yourself holding back, biting your tongue, stuffing your true feelings or thoughts. Is there something you want to express,  or understand better with someone and you find you just can’t muster up the words, or the courage, or the clarity you want in order to dive into the conversation? I am certain this is a common experience.
There are a number of reasons we hold back. Here are a few of them that come to my mind: Afraid to hurt someone’s feelings, afraid of receiving a harsh or angry reaction, not sure how to say it clearly, wanting acceptance and love, not wanting to “rock the boat”, in other words wanting things to be peaceful and easy, and fear that the person will withdraw from the relationship. Do any of these considerations apply to your situation? If so, here are some things you can do to prepare yourself to express authentically.
  • Take some time to really understand what you are feeling and valuing in the situation. Notice what is at the heart of the issue. What quality of life are you longing to experience, like care, honesty, consideration, mutuality, integrity, fun, efficiency etc.
  • Consider what the other person might be feeling and valuing in the situation too. Maybe you even have something in common here.
  • Write down what you might want to say in order to have clarity beforehand. Be sure to include the qualities or values you want in the situation instead of focusing on fault or blame or evaluations.
  • Be ready to listen to the other and reflect back what is important to them. Be open to exploring different ideas about what to do instead of being attached to one particular outcome or strategy.
These are a few pointers that can start you on the road to greater self-expression. When we have confidence in our ability to communicate clearly and to respond to others with empathy we are more likely to express fully and authentically.  I invite you to learn more through the upcoming learning opportunities.